Chivarly, why bother?

Some time ago, I was having drinks with some of my friends, one of whom mentioned that he often invited his female colleagues out for dinners, catch a movie, and watch musicals or dance performances, usually with him footing the entire bill. I suggested that he was trying to invest in his friendships, but he corrected me, saying that he was only being chivalrous. That remark left me rather startled, and has got me into thinking as to exactly in what context does chivalry still exists as in this day and age.
 
Being chivalrous means strongly believing in doing one’s duty towards all women in general, usually in the form of being courteous or gracious. Chivalry has its origins during medieval times, when Christian knights would do their duty to God, and pledge their service to their Kings or Lords. By extension, the knights would also serve the lord’s lady. Over time, this service has come to be extended towards all the other court ladies as well. By modern times, chivalry has evolved into its present form of extreme gentlemenly behaviour towards women, going beyond just basic courtesy to also include great generousity and graciousness.
 
Perhaps I shall give some examples to show the distinctions between courtesy, generousity and graciousness. When a guy accidentally bumps into a girl and he apologises or helps her up, that’s basic courtesy which is expected of everyone. When a guy offers to pay for the girl or girls the dinner costs, or whatever costs, that’s being generous in the chivalry context (if guy pay for guy, that’s only being generous, there’s no chivalry involved). And if a guy goes out of his way to help a girl (for example, to do a particular task), that’s a demonstration of kindness and graciousness. The above are excellent examples of chivalry, and just as the knights of long time ago, chivalrous men of the modern day probably still carry out their self-declared duty to women with the same great fervent. Some things almost never changes.
 
But some things most certainly have changed. Women nowadays are more empowered as compared to the past. Many women work and earn a living, they can afford to pay for their own expenses, and when guys offer to pay for the girls’ dinner or movie expanses, such offers are sometimes turned down, with girls insisting on paying for themselves. Women are also now more able to perform tasks all by themselves, and would often reject offers of help from guys. Any semblance of assistance from guys are simply unwanted by girls, especially by those with a skewed sense of self-reliance. I am only guessing that acceptance of help somehow indicates a sign of weakness on the girls’ part, or that girls do not want to been perceived as owing guys anything.
 
Any chivalrous guy would tell you that his offering of assistance to girls is not about exchanging for any favours from girls, it has more to do with doing it out of goodwill, performing a good deed for it’s own sake. But of course, in many cases, girls do not appreciate guys doing anything generous for them, since they simply have no concept of chivalry. Chivalry isn’t exactly something that is taught in schools anymore, and there is no corresponding equivalent for chivalry in the female sense. The nearest thing that comes close is the general sense of kindness and courtesy that is expected of everyone, regardless of gender. As a result, if a chivalrous guy still thinks that it is the thought that he’s trying to help that counts, I hope he will not be too disappointed since the girls are going to regard his offer of payment or help as something that is only expected but not particularly appreciated. In other words, he’s only being kind, that’s all.
 
Sometimes I see guys who accompany his female friends, and the guys act funny or say funny things to make the girls laugh or irritate them. Strangely enough, he seems to think of himself as chivalrous in the sense of offering the girls his companionship and entertaining them with his antics. Personally, I think that he is only acting like a clown. If he is trying to impress the girls with his so-called chivalry, then I can only say that he seriously does not know what chivalry means. One does not behave chivalrous in anticipation of any type of reward, but rather for the satisfaction to have done one’s duty to women, regardless of whether his efforts goes unappreciated.
 
Of course, nobody’s perfect. When one does good to others, naturally you would expect some good, or at least some appreciation in return, especially so in this give-and-take world that we live in. So, if you want to be chivalrous in this society, by all means go ahead, nobody’s stopping you. If you are truly chivalrous and willingly perform your duty to women out of your own good heart, good for you. But if your ego is unable to handle nothing in return for all your efforts, or if you do all these with some motive or agenda in mind, then stop calling yourself chivalrous. You are hardly a knight.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: