She won’t dance, SHE JUST WON’T DANCE!

At a friend’s suggestion, I signed up for dance class at the local community club. I wanted to learn something new, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to learn dancing, it can be a valuable asset. In fact, I was thinking that, to know how to dance, that can only be an advantage for me. And besides, who wouldn’t want to emulate his favourite movie idol, who happens to be able to dance so well in every ballroom scene?

And of course, I understand the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone when it comes to learning something new. One must never be afraid of feeling embarassed or appearing awkward initially when it comes to picking up a new skill. This situation is only temporary and will quickly pass once you get the hang of it. With that in mind, I have learnt several steps for cha-cha, disco rock, and most recently rumba, or at least in the forms that my instructor teaches. Although I find that there is a tendency to forget the steps for the earlier dances everytime after I learn a new one. That’s not good.

But the more fun thing about dancing is to be able to remember and execute all the moves flawlessly, it really does gives you a high. And it sure feels good to able to prove, not just to yourself but to everyone else, that you are able to carry out a complete dance sequence with your partner, and then repeat the sequence again so long as the music continues.

And nearly all of  my friends have at one time or another suggested that I should join some club or class where I could meet like-minded people with common interests, with whom I can make friends, and if I should see fit to develop upon our friendship I can go ahead and make the effort to do so and move on with my life. With that in mind, I suggested to my dance partner that, perhaps were can first go for dinner together before heading for the dance classes.

Partner: “Oh, I just so happen never eat meals on Tuesday nights (the night of the dance classes). I only eat bread that I buy near my office for dinner.”

Hmm… okay, maybe I can invite her out on weekends. We can even watch a movie together.

Partner“Sorry, but I would rather be stuck at home watching TV dramas on my laptop. Either that or I’ll probably be hanging out with my group of sisters-only friends. And I never watch movies.”

So much for my attempts at trying to establish a rapport with my dance partner. I mean, it’s not as if I’m too scared or afraid or procrastinating to ask her out. I’ve gone past that. But the restrictions that she had imposed on herself for going out are so incomprehensible (eg. not wanting to go too far away from her apartment, or having to leave first so that she can rest early, etc.) such that, respecting her choice to be so self-isolated, I don’t even bother to invite her out anymore. You cannot begin to imagine the multitude of excuses she can invent just so as to deprive herself of normal and sustained interaction with a healthy mix of friends, which goes against my firm belief that any slight inconvenience that comes together with friendships should not be regarded as too big an issue, be it hanging out slightly later occasionally or watching a movie once in a while. In fact, you may even benefit from this sense of camaraderie, or find it to your liking, if only you gave it a chance.

So, it was rather disappointing for me to have met such an anti-social person, based on my own personal experience, nothing much can be expected from such an association. And that’s not the worst part.

During dance lessons, she must always keep a distance, nearly an arm’s length, away from her dance partner (me), which makes it difficult for us to do all our dance moves properly. Imagine, trying to do a natural turn, but not letting me support her on her waist. As our instructor puts it, the dancers must keep close so as not to spiral out of the central axis. And she says it tickles. It’s seems as if she does not want to enjoy any sense of intimacy that comes naturally with dancing, like as though it is something bad, and that by dancing so close it will cause her to get some wrong ideas.

Here’s one more: Both of us went for a dance party organised by our instructor, but despite all our practising, at the party she would rather sit down and just listen to music and watch other people dance, instead of actually DANCE. She would insist that I go on and ask someone else for a dance, when the truth is that I am only most comfortable dancing with the person that I had always been practising with. With this, I had to ask some serious questions: Why did she want to learn dancing in the first place?  To dance? I sure as hell don’t see her doing any dancing. To meet new friends? Well, I wanted to meet friends, but I can now see for myself that she is obviously making a conscious effort on her part not to know me any better, even as a normal friend.

If you are unable to behave like a normal person and play your part to contribute to the progress of society, then you may as well get on a bus and get back to where you once belong. Don’t waste everybody’s time, hopes, and effort, NO ONE welcomes a freeloader on this island.

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